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The following letters are
supposed to be actual correpondance between a London hotel and a
guest....
--------------------------------------- Dear
Maid, Please
do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom
since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six
unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and
another three in the shower soap dish. They
are in my way.
Thank
you, S.
Berman ------------------------------------------------------------------ Dear
Room 635, I
am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from
her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish
as you requested. The
6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your
Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves
only the 3 bars I left today for which my instructions from the
management are to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.
Kathy,
Relief Maid ----------------------------------------------------------------- Dear
Maid - I hope you are my regular maid. Apparently
Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the little
bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening, I found you
had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet.
I
am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought
my own bath-size Dial, so I won't need those 6 little Camays, which
are on the shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth,
etc. Please
remove them. S.
Berman ------------------------------------------- Dear
Mr. Berman, The
assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this morning that
you called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your
maid service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I
hope you will accept my apologies for any past inconvenience. If
you have any future problems please contact me so I can give it
my personal attention.
Call
extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank
you. Elaine
Carmen Housekeeper --------------------------------------------- Dear
Miss Carmen,
It
is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for
business at 7:45 AM and don't get back before 5:30 or 6PM. That's
the reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off
duty. I
only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little
bars soap.
The
new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in
today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine
cabinet, along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bathroom
shelf.
In
just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap. Why
are you doing this to me? S.
Berman ------------------------------------------------ Dear
Mr. Berman, Your
maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your
room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance,
please call extension 1108 between 8 AM and 5PM. Thank
you, Elaine
Carmen, Housekeeper ------------------------------------------------- Dear
Mr. Kensedder, My
bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room,
including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had
to call the bellhop to bring me four little
Cashmere Bouquets. S.
Berman -------------------------------------------------- Dear
Mr. Berman, I
have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem.
I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our
maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service
a room. The situation will be rectified immediately.
Please
accept my apologies for the inconvenience. Martin
L. Kensedder Assistant
Manager -------------------------------------------------- Dear
Mrs. Carmen, Who
the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room?
I
came in last night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want
54 little bars of Camay. I want my one damn bar of bath-size Dial.
Do
you realise I have 54 bars of soap in here? All I want is my bath-size
Dial. Please
give me back my bath-size Dial. S.
Berman
--------------------------------------------------- Dear
Mr. Berman, You
complained of too much soap in your room, so I had them removed. Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all
your soap was missing, so I personally returned them: the 24 Camays
which had been taken and the 3 Camays you are supposed to receive
daily. I don't know anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets.
Obviously
your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps, so she
also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays. I don't know where
you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial.
I
was able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.
Elaine
Carmen Housekeeper ---------------------------------------------------- Dear
Mrs. Carmen, Just
a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory. As of today I possess: On
the shelf under the medicine cabinet -18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2. On
the Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of
3. On
the bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks
of 4. Inside
the medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of
2. In
the shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist. On
the northeast corner of the tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used. On
the northwest corner of the tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3. Please
ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are
neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of
more than 4 have a tendency to tip. May
I suggest that my bedroom window sill is not in use and will make
an excellent spot for future soap deliveries. One more item, I have
purchased another bar of bath-size Dial which I am keeping in the
hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.
S.
Berman
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